my xanga experience:

when I was 16 I joined and was in all of these grunge blogrings.  I discovered the riot grrl movement and became interested in feminism.

Sometime that year I developed an eating disorder and spent the next two years writing my intakes, my triggers, my exercise regimen.  I quoted Fiona Apple and Sylvia Plath a lot.  I can still remember this by heart “I lean to you, numb as a fossil, tell me I’m here”. I remember Chris and his girlfriend, Lindsay found my old blog and would bully me relentlessly about it and show it to everyone. Those jerks.

When I was like, 17-18 I discovered cocaine and thought I was the smartest, self aware person who ever lived.  I’d always post about these theories I made up my head and I thought I was so free.  I thought I was so glamorous for doing drugs, but in reality it was kind of gross. 

When I was 19 I decided to turn over a new leaf and adopted a very clean hippie lifestyle.  I quit using drugs, alcohol, and cut down on my caffeine and stopped taking medicine when I got sick.  I also became a vegetarian and later a vegan.  I would always write about vegetarianism news, and would post pictures that said silly things like “meat’s no treat” and “Kentucky Fried Cruelty” and “The Only Arms We Need” (with a picture of cartoon kids hugging).
That year I started dating Bill and would always write about distance making the heart grow fonder and all the things we were going to do when and if he came back from Iraq. 

Bill got out of the army when I was twenty.  The next two years had entries about fights, make ups, and a lot of freak outs. 

I started using Xanga more when I turned 22.  Me and Bill eventually split.  I went through a period where I felt very empowered and free and I would preach a lot.  I discovered a new love, weed and had these friends with benefits and would write these like 15 paragraph entries about using ecstasy.  I would post all of these pulses when I was really stoned. I read them now and I think they’re the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

At 23 I started making actual friends on Xanga.  I’ve met a handful of really awesome people and consider some my closest friends.  This continued on.  When I do post, it’s usually about my weekend adventures and some success stories from graduate school. 

Crazy growing up on xanga.

 Edit: I just realized I’m going to come back from Cuba and want to blog all about it, but I won’t be able to

But she gets upset about the silliest things and I can’t help but laugh. “Now my Wendy’s chilli is ruined”. Dead

One of my guy friends (who’s extremely confident and pretty much could get any girl he wants) wrote about his first date with a girl he really likes.  It was so stinking cute that I had to share. 

“So I had an amazing day recently with an amazing girl. I’m usually outgoing and a little crazy around my friends but around new people I’m awkwardly shy.

We decided to meet up in front of a movie theatre and I nervously waited for her. She was running a bit late but I didn’t mind because the weather was so nice. When she came she was wearing brown sweater, designer jeans, kick ass shoes and golden accessories. She looked gorgeous and even though I was hesitant I couldn’t help but give her a big hug. We decided to go eat at a local burger joint. We ordered cheese burgers and the lady asked us what we wanted. I let her go first and everything that she wanted was what I wanted too. I guess great minds think alike. As our food was being wrapped they wrote ‘his’ and ‘hers’ on the foil for us. It was so cute to us and we didn’t expect it at all so it made it that much sweeter. The food was so tasty and finished our burgers in no time. One of the best burgers I’ve ever had. We decided to get ice cream after and both chose the cotton candy flavour which was so bomb! We went for a walk on the beach where we got to finish our ice cream and really talk to each other. I’m pretty awkward and shy sometimes but I just felt at ease with her and thought we really connected. We took so many pictures together of us by the water front. I thought I looked a little dorky but she looked gorgeous in the photos. After we went to a nearby Starbucks just to talk more and we ran into a couple of her friends. They kinda looked at us weird with that ‘Are you two dating?’ kind of look. We just looked at each other and smiled and carried on. She knew a nice park with a gazebo and we decided to kick it there before the sunset. We talked about everything about our lives, what we wanted in the future and things like that. It was so nice that I could just be myself and be comfortable with someone. I felt we really clicked together. Before we had to go an odd man came up to us and said she had beautiful legs. He asked us if we were boyfriend and girlfriend but we just said we are just friends. He looked at me after and told me ‘Never let go of a girl like this’. We found this guy so odd but we just looked at each other and laughed so hard together. It was time to go but I found the courage to kiss her on the cheek finally. I’m usually picky about who I go out with but it was so easy to be around her. We just naturally get along. I don’t know where any of this is going but at the very least I hope I have a life long friend. It was one of the best dates in recent memory.The man that approached us in the park was pretty odd but the words he said to me are stuck in my head. I don’t plan on letting her go. Ever.”

This was just so heartwarming, and I can’t help but wonder if anyone’s ever felt like that after hanging out with me

I accidentally posted this on my public journal

24. Learn to be unaffected by the words of others. Most people get very upset when they are called negative names by others, but there is a simple trick to overcoming this. Here it is: If I went up to you and called you a fire hydrant, would you be upset? Of course not. Obviously you are not a fire hydrant, you are a human being. The same concept applies to when someone calls you something that you know you are not. They are foolish for saying such things, so why would you react with such anger? The only exception is when someone calls you something that is true! In this case, you should thank them for alerting you to a weakness, one that you can now work on changing.

So true! Lately I’m obsessed with self improvement and reading as many self help articles as I can find.  If anyone wants to read the rest of the article you can find it here http://www.highexistence.com/life-secrets-and-tips/

I don’t like it when people cover Elvis songs but this is just perfect.

I was half way out the door when my cousin, Sean Paul came over. He’s the one who robbed a McDonalds and is facing jail time. He started crying saying he will be sentenced in two weeks and at the very least will be serving three and a half years. My heart kind of broke. I do not like thieves but at the same time he’s my little cousin, we grew up together and he used to be a good kid. He said he’s scared of going to prison and doesn’t know if he will be able to survive. His girlfriend is also expecting a baby in October so the kid won’t even know his father til he’s three. It’s just a really shitty situation. I eventually had to leave because I really needed to see my doctor, which is where I am now. I told my supervisor that I would come in after the appointment, but I kind of just wanna stay home. I’m angry and sad. Everything’s been snowballing this month, I’ve had a lot of good times, but it’s like lately all I have to do is lick my finger, stick it in the air and shit sticks to it. 

So last night I get a text from Bill saying “yo”.  I’m hanging out with Angie so I wait until she leaves to reply with “hey”.  He never responds so I assume he lost his nerve and gave up. 

I slept horrible last night.  I woke up early this morning with a really sharp pain in my stomach and I was running a fever.  I probably have another kidney infection.  I finally fell asleep on my stomach, but then got woken up with a phone call.  It’s Bill.

Hello?
Hey, I need to talk to you about something.
Is everything alright?
I really don’t wanna talk about it.  I wanted to talk to you about this in person, but my schedule won’t allow that.
Okay..
Listen kid, I really can’t speak to you anymore.
Oh, that’s interesting. 
Like this whole correspondence needs to stop.
I wasn’t aware you and I were such good friends. I really don’t remember me calling you or texting you, or ever initiating a conversation with you.  Should I bother asking why?
I’d rather not talk about it.
Oh, I see, your girlfriend isn’t cool with you talking to me, huh.
Pretty much.  I mean if something serious happens, like your mom gets sick you can call me
No, that’s okay, are we done here?
Yup, you have a nice day.
Same, see you around. 

Way to ambush me, guy.

It took everything in me to not make one of my snarky but very true comments.  To bring up the fact that he chased me around all Summer like a puppy dog and I practically GIFT WRAPPED him to Brie and she should thank me for letting her desperate starving ass have my crumbs. 

I’ve been very quiet lately, but I’ve had it up to here with everyone’s bullshit. It stops now. 

I was very tempted to send him a picture of a Gatorade bottle to quench his thirst, but I’m ignoring that nonsense.  Nice try, Slick Rick. 

Friend: Does she live here?
Me: What do you mean here?  Like in America?

After the Knicks lost

Me: I am so angry right now, this is all JR Smith’s fault.  I’m going to go to MSG right now and yell at him
Friend: They played in Indiana today.