July 8, 2013
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Downloaded my pulse archive
I’ve said some really weird, funny and sassy things in my day
Monday February 18, 2013
Friend: ugh, he blogs? Who does that, that’s so lame. Me: Yeah, I know right? *twitch*Sunday February 10, 2013
I own beach front property in the friend zoneTuesday January 8, 2013
on my newsfeed it showed that my friend’s sim flirted with his girlfriend’s mom’s sim on Sims Social. Awkward.Friday January 4, 2013
My Jewish friend is showing her parents her tattoo for the first time. Where is my popcorn?Thursday December 27, 2012
Listening to my co worker talk about her dog opening christmas presents… For hours.Friday December 21, 2012
If the world ends tomorrow, I just want you to know that I still hate youThursday December 20, 2012
Lovelyish is a great resource for last months news.Sunday December 16, 2012
Oh my god… Just discovered that youtube has a lifetime supply of 80′s video dating ad clips… and my day just got planned.Wednesday November 21, 2012
thought about going out tonight, but then I remembered how much I hate douchebags in large groups..Thursday November 1, 2012
had a dream the other night that I was at a baby shower +Uncle Jesse, Joey+Steve from Full House were there and they were hitting on meThursday October 25, 2012
My co worker is three weeks late but hasn’t had sex. We’re trying to convince her she’s the next virgin MarySaturday October 20, 2012
gotta love “writers” who “diss” me to get more readers. I’m getting sick of you wrinkling my coattails.Thursday October 11, 2012
Just had a deep talk with the last person Id ever imagine opening up to. Weird how these things workTuesday September 25, 2012
my life is a soap opera, but with ugly peopleWednesday September 19, 2012
“I see you recommended two of my posts… I accept your invitation for sex”Tuesday September 18, 2012
Love phone calls from quantumstorm. Me: I went to a giants game on sunday. QS: you went to a vagina cane? What does that even mean??Friday September 14, 2012
I like my men how I like my tea: thrown into the Boston Harbor.Wednesday September 5, 2012
“in the future if my kids tell me they’re gay, I’ll just be like “what” because I don’t plan on having kids so how did they get there”Monday September 3, 2012
“got dudes sharing beard pics at work get on my levellllll” – Amanda.Wednesday August 29, 2012
You saying you’re honest is like Courtney Love saying she is clean and sober #realitycheckboobooTuesday August 21, 2012
i got an invite for a warehouse rave called spongebob rave pants, lolSunday August 19, 2012
the conversation between your fingers and someone else’s skin. This is the most important discussion you can ever have.Wednesday June 13, 2012
“almost had a threesome last night… Only needed 2 more people”Thursday June 7, 2012
I’m dressing up as a Legends of The Hidden Temple contestant for HalloweenSunday June 3, 2012
this ain’t baseball, bitch. I don’t have to give you three chancesThursday May 31, 2012
who the hell are One Direction, and why should I hate them?Friday May 25, 2012
Me: I need to charge my phone. Christine: Oh, my chargers on the floor right next to my bible and that rolled up dollar billTuesday May 1, 2012
At the point in the semester where I want to drop out of grad school and become a go go dancerTuesday April 17, 2012
someone please nurse me back to health? I’ll pay you handsomely in ring popsMonday April 9, 2012
if i could create a holiday it would be called National Group Hug DayFriday April 6, 2012
Just realized that if I order a side of bacon with my breakfast I will offending every religion today in one swoop. oh well
(This was posted on Good friday)Friday March 16, 2012
“Ahhhh fuck dis shit” -Albert EinsteinFriday March 9, 2012
Celebrating national women’s day at subway. Men making me sandwiches!!Friday February 24, 2012
Losing my pf changs v-card in 3,2,1!Saturday February 11, 2012
if someone likes your photo at 3am, they probably masturbated to it :OWednesday February 8, 2012
Danny: If youre ever in doubt, call Christine, and do the exact opposite of what she saysTuesday January 10, 2012
if i had a maid i would make her pick up my takeout order so i wouldn’t have to tip anyoneSaturday January 7, 2012
if i see him i will bash his face in and dip italian bread in his bloodSaturday January 7, 2012
Dear future husband, ‘hungry like the wolf’ and ‘get low’ will be played at our reception. Non negotiableTuesday December 27, 2011
Delusions of Grandeur Jenny: boobs grow slightly bigger, imagines a successful career as a Victoria’s Secret angel.Saturday December 24, 2011
Blonde moment: was thinking about what to pack for Indianapolis and the first thing that pops in my head is a passport…..Thursday December 22, 2011
fuck thunder. If my power goes out I will punch Zeus in the face and stab him, like I did in God of War!Saturday December 3, 2011
I love long walks…..to the fridge. #scumbagsteveSaturday November 26, 2011
Marijuana is not a gateway drug that leads to harder drugs. It’s more of a drive thru drug that leads to french fries and FrostiesWednesday November 16, 2011
this bitch on facebook wrote “we fell in love in a hopeless place” on her bf’s wall. You guys met at Stonybrook Uni, calm down bitchMonday November 14, 2011
Texted my friend saying I was eating BBQ chips, but I hit a wrong button and it autocorrected it to “child” I DON’T EAT CHILDREN!Saturday November 12, 2011
If I was a guy I would buy my girlfriend something really stupid and cheap, and put it in a Tiffany’s or Louboutin box, to mess with herTuesday November 8, 2011
time to dust off your dildos, girls. COD Modern Warfare 3 is almost hereSaturday November 5, 2011
Up until a few years ago I thought the expression was “doggy dog world” instead of “dog eat dog world” LOLMonday October 31, 2011
My book will be called “Hot MESScapades: a memior”Thursday October 27, 2011
One day I want to make out with someone with poprocks in my mouth. I imagine it will be invigorating. LOL!Sunday October 16, 2011
I’m basically a thin, Spanish, not talented, never famous version of Adele.Saturday October 8, 2011
My mom found pics of lil brother drinking. that sucks, but it’s karma for the time you told mom i smoked out of a bong, baybayyyyySunday September 11, 2011
Danny: This crazy bitch keeps texting me, so annoying. Jenny: Let me see, whoops I accidentally dialed her! ahahahah my life.
